Requests
==
+ I would place God first in all things and see how my actions would honor him or be good for his people
+ My heart as it's broken for the church
+ My loneliness as I feel like a prisoner in the church
+ That I would do what's right and good, not what looks right or looks good
Updates
==
Retreat was long, but I learned a lot about interviewing and shooting documentaries. There's so much more that I need to learn, practice and prepare and it's making Kyrgyzstan seem harder and harder.
I've been working on a long term project about my church. So Whenever I get opportunities to get some b-roll or document some stuff, I try to take it. During one of the first worship sessions at the retreat, Shirley came up to me while I was shooting some b-roll of the worship team. I wasn't going to be more than 5 minutes, but she was furious.
She didn't want me filming ANY of the worship times. Part of me understands the motivation. She doesn't want me to be a distraction to the people who are worshiping, which is fine. But there's better ways of telling me than to yell at me. But whatever, it's a minor thing, so I let it pass. It's not worth fighting over. It also wasn't the right time or place to fight because I knew that if I did, I knew it would end up ruining my weekend.
On Sunday night, I was asked to shoot video of "Family Night", where different teams prepared songs and skits for the church's entertainment. Everything was fine and good until I got back on Monday. I receive a message from P.Chu on Facebook that Chuck, Shirley's husband, had told him to ask me to not post the footage online.
I was pissed.
What are we, in grade school? She can't politely ask me directly that she has to have her husband have P.Chu ask me? But that's not the main reason that I was upset.
This morning, Facebook was already covered in pictures and videos from the retreat. Why am I censored? Why are walls built around me? Why am I singled out? And it wasn't even, "Please let us see it first" it was straight up censorship. But the issue goes beyond just censorship, it taps into the nerve of this video ministry.
When I proposed this to the leadership, I understood that I would have to shoot crap that I wasn't interested in. Like the Family Night. I didn't want to shoot the Chinese adults, but I did it anyway. Because in order for me to have the sex, I have to do the money too. I'm fine with that.
What's the point of shooting video if no one's going to see it? What's the point in capturing these performances if they're just going to sit on my hard drive?
Had I known that I wouldn't be able to post it online, I wouldn't have wasted my time or my own money buying tape and batteries or asking a friend to run to B&H after work to buy extra batteries. Or ran back and forth on that stage for like 2 hours.
The kids were really excited about what they had prepared. They were really excited that I was going to film it. And putting it online so that they could enjoy it, so that their friends could enjoy it, would be really edifying.
I have a few options: 1) Post it anyway as a big "Fuck You", 2) Back down, yet again, 3) Be sneaky and have someone else post it, 4) Fight and most likely lose, 5) give up completely and try building this ministry elsewhere.
Analysis of options
1) The worst option because it's the option that I REALLY want to do. My gut wants to do it so bad, but I know it's the wrong decision.
2) I'm tired of backing down. This isn't the first time this issue has come up, but I hate being France. I hate surrendering before a shot is even fired. It makes me feel like a pussy. There's submitting to authority and there's being a pussy.
3) This could work. But will most likely end up being like #1.
4) This is a potential beachhead for other issues. If I fight and lose, then it saves a lot of time in the future because then I can just do #5. If I fight and win, it doesn't mean the war is over and may lead to more fights later on.
5) Kind of like #2 but has the most potential. But going somewhere else doesn't mean that these fights won't be there either. It would mean a lot of work building the ministry again, losing about 7 years worth of work.
Sigh.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
The Fight is Over
In my update yesterday, I had mentioned that I would fight for Byron to go on the retreat. He got wind of hassle and withdrew his registration. And just like that, the fight was over and I'm okay with it. It doesn't make what happened any better, but at least it's resolved.
Thanks to everyone who prayed about it.
Thanks to everyone who prayed about it.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Requests and Updates for 5/12/08
Requests
==
+ Self-discipline to do work
+ Submit to authority
+ Opportunities and enegery to meet w/ ppl
Updates
==
Everything's been winding down in the last few weeks. And it's becoming harder and harder to get motivated to do stuff. With no deadlines, a lot of the projects that I need to do just end up sitting there.
On Friday, this new kid, Byron came to YG. He had come to Boba Nite and was then invited to come to YG. He seems genuine about learning more about God and Christianity, which is a rare opportunity these days. And wonderfully, God's placed him in my small group. So I feel a sense of responsibility for him.
This past week, Byron learned about the Memorial Retreat. Registration had already passed a few weeks ago, but there's gotta be ways to work him in. I had him get in his form right away but I didn't anticipate the road block that would be Shirley.
Of course she doesn't care if he's a seeker or not. All she cares about is the amount of "work" that they have to do. Even when we offered other alternatives, such as me giving up my spot or getting him a hotel room, she still said no. She didn't have the balls to tell me, so she had P.Chu tell me to stop fighting. I don't fight for a lot of things, but this is one of the things that I'm going to fight about. (sorry, Chris, I can't let it go)
It's just really upsetting that she's not the only one that sees it this way. Have we become so focused on programs that we're missing the big picture?
I'm in a unique position. Since I'm just a volunteer, I can break rules and fight fights that paid staff can't. If Shirley wants a fight, I'll bring it. I play to win, and if I can't win, I'm going to make it miserable for you to win.
As much as I know I should submit to authority, I can't when a person's life is at stake. I'll continue to do my best to work w/in the system, going over Shirley's head, or even just sneaking him in, whatever it takes.
A lot of people will be coming back this week and I'm trying to find time to meet with all of them, catchup, and just maintain good relationships
==
+ Self-discipline to do work
+ Submit to authority
+ Opportunities and enegery to meet w/ ppl
Updates
==
Everything's been winding down in the last few weeks. And it's becoming harder and harder to get motivated to do stuff. With no deadlines, a lot of the projects that I need to do just end up sitting there.
On Friday, this new kid, Byron came to YG. He had come to Boba Nite and was then invited to come to YG. He seems genuine about learning more about God and Christianity, which is a rare opportunity these days. And wonderfully, God's placed him in my small group. So I feel a sense of responsibility for him.
This past week, Byron learned about the Memorial Retreat. Registration had already passed a few weeks ago, but there's gotta be ways to work him in. I had him get in his form right away but I didn't anticipate the road block that would be Shirley.
Of course she doesn't care if he's a seeker or not. All she cares about is the amount of "work" that they have to do. Even when we offered other alternatives, such as me giving up my spot or getting him a hotel room, she still said no. She didn't have the balls to tell me, so she had P.Chu tell me to stop fighting. I don't fight for a lot of things, but this is one of the things that I'm going to fight about. (sorry, Chris, I can't let it go)
It's just really upsetting that she's not the only one that sees it this way. Have we become so focused on programs that we're missing the big picture?
I'm in a unique position. Since I'm just a volunteer, I can break rules and fight fights that paid staff can't. If Shirley wants a fight, I'll bring it. I play to win, and if I can't win, I'm going to make it miserable for you to win.
As much as I know I should submit to authority, I can't when a person's life is at stake. I'll continue to do my best to work w/in the system, going over Shirley's head, or even just sneaking him in, whatever it takes.
A lot of people will be coming back this week and I'm trying to find time to meet with all of them, catchup, and just maintain good relationships
Friday, May 9, 2008
On Prayer
Intro
When I was a kid, this was when I believed in a god but still wasn't a Christian, I would close my eyes real tight and pray for this awesome 10 speed mountain bike.
Is that what prayer is? Just asking for stuff from God as if He were some magical Genie Santa Tooth Fairy?
Jesus’ Prayer
Let's see if there are any examples of what prayer looks like. If we're going to look for examples, a good place to start is Jesus.
Before Jesus was betrayed by Judas, He prayed the following:
Jesus sounds kind of selfish, "glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you". How often do we ask to be glorified. If anything, we'll ask that God be glorified rather than us. But if we understand the mission of Christ, who He was and His uniqueness, than this prayer makes complete sense.
Jesus knew who He was and understood that through His accomplishment, that the Father would be glorified. He knew that He already had "all authority", so when He prayed, he prayed with expectancy. Jesus knew exactly what was going to happen. He would suffer and die so that the Father may be glorified. There was no "if it be your will" wishy-washy-ness. There was power and confidence in His words.
It's like when I would ask my parents for money or for food. I wouldn't be like, "Hey, if it be your will, would you maybe perhaps make dinner?". It was more like, "Ma, I'm hungry." or "Ma, I need money for the movies." or "Ma, I need to buy new clothes because there's this new fashion trend and if I don't have new clothes I won't be cool."
Pharisee and Tax Collector
I know, for me, it's hard to relate to the Son of God, so let's look at other examples. We have the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector.
Then we see the tax collector's prayer, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" That's it. One sentence. He knows who he is, "a sinner". He knows that he needs God's mercy. But he's not afraid to be honest with God, laying out who he really is. He prays from the heart. I know I don't want to admit that I'm a sinner. To say it from the heart, that this is who I am, a sinner.
When I was a kid, and I asked for a bike, I would try and negotiate with God. I'd promise to stop making fun of that ugly kid in class. Or I'd start being nice to that girl. Or I'd be like the Pharisee and cite how I've been good and deserve a new bike. Man, was I persistent at it. In that sense, I was on the right track.
Persistent Widow
Jesus gave another parable of the Persistent Widow.
So how do we know that we should keep praying for something? It depends on the answer.
But does God answer prayer? No, really, does He? Think about your prayers. Think about the ones that He's answered and the ones that He hasn't.
God’s Answers
It's generally been said that God answers in 3 ways: yes, no, and wait. But this is only partly accurate. There's usually no ambiguity with the no and wait. No is pretty obvious. It's like when I asked for a new bike. I was asking for purely selfish reason. Of course God was going to say no. But aside from the selfishness, I wasn't doing anything to try and earn the bike. I wasn't working or trying to make money. I was just hoping that one day, I would open the garage one morning and see a brand new bike waiting for me.
Or when I prayed that God would heal my dad when he got cancer. It was a pretty obvious "no" when my dad died. It was partly selfish, because I wanted my dad to be around. But God wants to heal people, right? Was it fair that I would have to grow up without a dad? What about this whole thing about justice?
That's one way to look at it. But God answered in a different way. And I think this is where we often get caught up. We think that God is only capable of answering in binary, yes and no (wait is basically a delayed form of yes or no). But a lot of times, God answers in different ways.
God, creator of the universe, knew that there was more at stake than one physical life. There was my mom's spiritual life. Todd's life, Nancy's life, Hilary's life, my life, and many others at stake that I have touched and will touch in the future. Where I was only concerned with 1 life, he was concerned with a hundred lives. God was answering a larger need for spiritual healing.
Sometimes, God gives an answer that we don't like. Like my dad dying so that other people would be saved. Or when you ask,"what should you do with your life", He tells you, "follow and obey". Or when you ask,"chicken or beef", He says, "pork".
One of the common threads that we've seen in all these examples is the contents of the prayer. Not only are they honest and expectant, but they are also focused on spiritual things. Things that we have no direct influence over.
If I wanted a bike, I could find work to earn money which could be exchanged for the bike. That's my responsibility. But spiritual things are up to God.
How to Ask
Now, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't ask for things. But be mindful of how you ask. Is it selfish? Have you been diligent and responsible for your things? Is it honest and true from the heart?
Here are some practical examples.
And if getting a bike will expand His Kingdom and glorify Him, you’ll get that bike.
When I was a kid, this was when I believed in a god but still wasn't a Christian, I would close my eyes real tight and pray for this awesome 10 speed mountain bike.
Is that what prayer is? Just asking for stuff from God as if He were some magical Genie Santa Tooth Fairy?
Jesus’ Prayer
Let's see if there are any examples of what prayer looks like. If we're going to look for examples, a good place to start is Jesus.
Before Jesus was betrayed by Judas, He prayed the following:
Father, the hour has come; glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you, since you have given him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom you have given him. And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed.Jesus continues and prays for His disciples, others who believe in Him, and those who will believe in Him in the future.
- John 17:1-5
Jesus sounds kind of selfish, "glorify your Son that the Son may glorify you". How often do we ask to be glorified. If anything, we'll ask that God be glorified rather than us. But if we understand the mission of Christ, who He was and His uniqueness, than this prayer makes complete sense.
Jesus knew who He was and understood that through His accomplishment, that the Father would be glorified. He knew that He already had "all authority", so when He prayed, he prayed with expectancy. Jesus knew exactly what was going to happen. He would suffer and die so that the Father may be glorified. There was no "if it be your will" wishy-washy-ness. There was power and confidence in His words.
It's like when I would ask my parents for money or for food. I wouldn't be like, "Hey, if it be your will, would you maybe perhaps make dinner?". It was more like, "Ma, I'm hungry." or "Ma, I need money for the movies." or "Ma, I need to buy new clothes because there's this new fashion trend and if I don't have new clothes I won't be cool."
Pharisee and Tax Collector
I know, for me, it's hard to relate to the Son of God, so let's look at other examples. We have the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector.
Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."First, we have the negative example in the Pharisee. Who's prayer is self-centered and self-exalting. He's praising himself in comparison to "other men". He even starts listing his resume: fasting twice a week, giving tithes.
- Luke 18:10-14
Then we see the tax collector's prayer, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" That's it. One sentence. He knows who he is, "a sinner". He knows that he needs God's mercy. But he's not afraid to be honest with God, laying out who he really is. He prays from the heart. I know I don't want to admit that I'm a sinner. To say it from the heart, that this is who I am, a sinner.
When I was a kid, and I asked for a bike, I would try and negotiate with God. I'd promise to stop making fun of that ugly kid in class. Or I'd start being nice to that girl. Or I'd be like the Pharisee and cite how I've been good and deserve a new bike. Man, was I persistent at it. In that sense, I was on the right track.
Persistent Widow
Jesus gave another parable of the Persistent Widow.
In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, 'Give me justice against my adversary.' For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, 'Though I neither fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.'" And the Lord said, "Hear what the unrighteous judge says. And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"This "unrighteous judge" eventually gave in to what the woman was asking, just so she would get off his back. Now, God, being righteous, wouldn't He be even more inclined to give justice to his people?
- Luke 18:2-8
So how do we know that we should keep praying for something? It depends on the answer.
But does God answer prayer? No, really, does He? Think about your prayers. Think about the ones that He's answered and the ones that He hasn't.
God’s Answers
It's generally been said that God answers in 3 ways: yes, no, and wait. But this is only partly accurate. There's usually no ambiguity with the no and wait. No is pretty obvious. It's like when I asked for a new bike. I was asking for purely selfish reason. Of course God was going to say no. But aside from the selfishness, I wasn't doing anything to try and earn the bike. I wasn't working or trying to make money. I was just hoping that one day, I would open the garage one morning and see a brand new bike waiting for me.
Or when I prayed that God would heal my dad when he got cancer. It was a pretty obvious "no" when my dad died. It was partly selfish, because I wanted my dad to be around. But God wants to heal people, right? Was it fair that I would have to grow up without a dad? What about this whole thing about justice?
That's one way to look at it. But God answered in a different way. And I think this is where we often get caught up. We think that God is only capable of answering in binary, yes and no (wait is basically a delayed form of yes or no). But a lot of times, God answers in different ways.
God, creator of the universe, knew that there was more at stake than one physical life. There was my mom's spiritual life. Todd's life, Nancy's life, Hilary's life, my life, and many others at stake that I have touched and will touch in the future. Where I was only concerned with 1 life, he was concerned with a hundred lives. God was answering a larger need for spiritual healing.
Sometimes, God gives an answer that we don't like. Like my dad dying so that other people would be saved. Or when you ask,"what should you do with your life", He tells you, "follow and obey". Or when you ask,"chicken or beef", He says, "pork".
One of the common threads that we've seen in all these examples is the contents of the prayer. Not only are they honest and expectant, but they are also focused on spiritual things. Things that we have no direct influence over.
If I wanted a bike, I could find work to earn money which could be exchanged for the bike. That's my responsibility. But spiritual things are up to God.
How to Ask
Now, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't ask for things. But be mindful of how you ask. Is it selfish? Have you been diligent and responsible for your things? Is it honest and true from the heart?
Here are some practical examples.
- Instead of praying for school and good grades, pray for diligence and discipline to study and prepare.
- Instead of what college to go to, pray that your future education and profession would expand His Kingdom and glorify Him.
- In addition to praying that friends would come to Christ, pray for opportunities to share and be Christ in their lives.
And if getting a bike will expand His Kingdom and glorify Him, you’ll get that bike.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Requests and Updates for 5/5/08
Requests
==
+ That I don't get stuck in "recharge" mode
+ A vision for next year's YG curriculum
+ Preparation for Kyrgyzstan mission
+ To love God and not the ministry
Updates
==
Finished with my first year of seminary and this second semester has been really hard. I think it was a combination of class, ministry, and Boba Nite. That, and 4 of my 5 classes were kind of eh. I have one more extra credit paper I need to do by Friday, but there's very little pressure on that.
Boba Nite was fantastic. The reviews that I've been hearing and the feedback that I've been receiving has been really good. Yesterday, I met with the YG Core team and talked about it. It was really encouraging to know that the church is really getting behind this ministry. For a moment, I had thought about shifting the focus and goals, but now I'm convinced there's a need for this ministry.
As I enter the summer, there are a bunch of projects waiting for my attention. Some of them have deadlines that I need to get started on, others have been collecting dust but should still be finished. And with the drama alums coming back soon, there may be new projects that we start.
In the middle of all this is Kyrgyzstan. It's about two months away and there's still so much that needs to be done. Fund raising, curriculum building, and cultural preparation. As much as I think the training program and materials are inane, I don't see much point in fighting it. Part of it has to do with the leadership. The few times that I have said something, my comments are met with blank looks of boredom.
I'm in this transition phase right now where I'm recharging all the margin I had lost from Boba Nite. The big danger is to get stuck in this powered down state. My devos have suffered because of it as has my productivity. But there's no time like right now to get back in it.
==
+ That I don't get stuck in "recharge" mode
+ A vision for next year's YG curriculum
+ Preparation for Kyrgyzstan mission
+ To love God and not the ministry
Updates
==
Finished with my first year of seminary and this second semester has been really hard. I think it was a combination of class, ministry, and Boba Nite. That, and 4 of my 5 classes were kind of eh. I have one more extra credit paper I need to do by Friday, but there's very little pressure on that.
Boba Nite was fantastic. The reviews that I've been hearing and the feedback that I've been receiving has been really good. Yesterday, I met with the YG Core team and talked about it. It was really encouraging to know that the church is really getting behind this ministry. For a moment, I had thought about shifting the focus and goals, but now I'm convinced there's a need for this ministry.
As I enter the summer, there are a bunch of projects waiting for my attention. Some of them have deadlines that I need to get started on, others have been collecting dust but should still be finished. And with the drama alums coming back soon, there may be new projects that we start.
In the middle of all this is Kyrgyzstan. It's about two months away and there's still so much that needs to be done. Fund raising, curriculum building, and cultural preparation. As much as I think the training program and materials are inane, I don't see much point in fighting it. Part of it has to do with the leadership. The few times that I have said something, my comments are met with blank looks of boredom.
I'm in this transition phase right now where I'm recharging all the margin I had lost from Boba Nite. The big danger is to get stuck in this powered down state. My devos have suffered because of it as has my productivity. But there's no time like right now to get back in it.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
State of the Church
The Church in the beginning of the 21st century is facing an identity crisis. How does it effectively reach and foster genuine faith in a culture that views the church as ancient and archaic? How does the Church answer the most pressing questions and needs of this new age where poverty, disease, and injustice still exists? If the Church is to remain relevant, it needs to answer these questions.
Not just pat Christian answers, but real, practical and effective answers. As Jesus walked amongst the poor and touched the diseased and fought for those in bondage, the Church needs to do the same. It needs to embrace change, continually contextualizing its message amongst the myriad of subgroups and cultures. It needs to understand technology and how to leverage it for not only the Kingdom, but for the Global Community. It needs to be less about preaching and more about being like Christ.
Not just pat Christian answers, but real, practical and effective answers. As Jesus walked amongst the poor and touched the diseased and fought for those in bondage, the Church needs to do the same. It needs to embrace change, continually contextualizing its message amongst the myriad of subgroups and cultures. It needs to understand technology and how to leverage it for not only the Kingdom, but for the Global Community. It needs to be less about preaching and more about being like Christ.
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