Requests and Updates for 2/14/09

Requests
==
+ That I would see people the way Jesus sees people
+ That I would be shaped into whatever God wants me to be
+ That the above 2 don't hurt too much

Updates
==
These last few weeks have been kind of weird for me. I picked up a nasty flu while I was in Taiwan which kept me in bed for a solid 6 days. When I got back, I picked up Bronchitis. Soon after, it was back to school.

Between school and work, I've found very little time for myself or anyone else. Actually, since starting school, I've found very little time for others in general.

I was sitting in class this past Saturday and we were studying the parable of the talents. The discussion turned to the afterlife and what we'd give an accounting for. I thought back on the last 6 or so years and realized that I hadn't really done much for God. Funny, since I had just squeezed out some videos in 2 days with an essay looming the following Monday.

I look back and I see some great work that God has done through me. Drama, Youth Group, and other stuff. But I couldn't help that but feel that it wasn't enough. Not so much I wanted to earn more grace or love or mercy, but to really invest what God had given me for His Kingdom.

So far, I've enjoyed being at Metro. The staff is really chill and we have some great laughs. I understand as an intern, I gotta do crap work. It comes with the territory. No complaints there. But I realized that the projects that I was working on, weren't stretching me in the ways I wanted to be stretched.

I have a lot of functional skills. The Church, as a whole, has been lagging behind the rest of the world by a good 5 years. So it's easy to fall into that gap to fill it for the good of the Kingdom. Which results in a lot of technology, web, design, video, etc. These things are all good and God wants to use them for His glory. And even though there's still a lot I can still learn in these areas, they're just not good for me right now.

If I want to be the most effective for God and His Kingdom, I need to be stretched in other areas. I just wasn't sure how or where.

I came back to that old question: What is God's vision for my life?

I thought I had it all together: Creative Arts Pastor. But was this the "safe", "default" path? Was my God too small? I seriously thought about it and wondered if I could go bigger. Because I can step up to a small vision, but a big vision forces me to rely on God because I can't do it on my own.

Maybe this whole vision thing stems from my lack of identity. I thought I had that figured out too: I'm a sinner. But as I lay in my quarantine in Taiwan, the whole concept of identity began to gel. Being a sinner is only one aspect and one component of who I am. There are all these other facets, but what makes me me?

Identity is the intersection of form and function. What identifies something from everything else are its distinguishing characteristics. Some of these will be functional, others will be aesthetic (the form). So what were my distinguishing characteristics? Are they purely functional? In what capacity?

Example: The thing you sit on is called a chair. It can have 2 or more legs, a back is optional, and it can be of varying heights. If your chair has 4 legs, lacks a back, it's called a foot stool. If your chair has 4 legs, lacks a back, and the top surface is wide, it's called a table. When does the table stop being a table and becomes a chair? The moment you sit on it? Does it retain its identity as a chair? So what are the distinguishing characteristics of a chair?

Yesterday, I came to realize one of those characteristics. I'm abnormal. I'm an outlier. I'm a freak. I'm strange. Whatever you want to call it, I don't fit the normative patterns of the rest of society.

Part of it might be because I've been in school and forgot how to integrate myself with the rest of society. But I think that's a lousy excuse.

Because I don't fit normative patterns, I find that I have to work to engage with other people. I smile, be cordial, and I try to take an interest in them. And for the most part, it works out. So on a superficial level, things are okay. It's tiring and I have to make an effort, but it works.

The real problem comes when people try to connect further. My discriminating taste and incredibly high standards make it so most things are just average. I try to save my superlatives for things that deserve it. But in doing so, it becomes difficult to agree with others on their likes and dislikes.

Apparently, people find their identity in things they like. Not liking what they like implies that you don't like them and this hurts them on a personal and emotional level. Granted, I have my own identity issues that I need to contend with, but I know that regardless of the things that I like, produce, or own, I am not those things.

I've been told on several occasions, that what people like about me is my honesty and truth telling. They find it refreshing in a sea of sugar coated conversations.

If honesty and truth telling are my strengths, they also become my weakness. So where does that leave me?

1) Pretend to like everything. Then I come off as fake and inauthentic.

2) Disengage from the conversation. Then I become antisocial, unapproachable, and people don't get the opportunity to learn who I am.

3) Dodge the opinions and only engage where our likes intersect. Opportunities of true engagement would be rare as I like very few things.

4) Preface all my opinions with a disclaimer: "Can I share my opinion with you?" Awkward and clumsy during conversation.

5) Other.

Alas, unless I discover number 5, I'll have to try 4 and see where it gets me.

My scariest thought is, am I willing to fundamentally change who I am so that I can be more effective for God and His Kingdom?

Yes.

Because I've died to my old self and are now a new creation.

Or maybe no, because of this flesh, I do the things I don't want to do, even though I know what I ought to do.

In the mean time, do I fake it until I make it? At what point do I go from being inauthentic to authentic? And what does that tell us about identity?

Sermon Development

Here's an outline for proper sermon development

1. Subject
2. Theme
3. Proposition
4. Transition sentences
   
5. Main points
6. Sub points
7. Illustrations
8. Applications
9. Conclusion
10. Introduction
11. Title
12. Polish
    

1. Subject
   
   • one-word summary of entire passage
   • most often the word will be found within the text itself
     
2. Theme
   
   • typically 2 or 3 words
   • particular aspect of the subject that the passage is emphasizing
     
3. Proposition
   
   • 1 sentence summary of the entire passage
   • complete sentence
   • in imperative form
   • brief (3-5, can be 5-7 words)
     
4. Transitional sentences
   
   • a rhetorical bridge between the proposition and the main body of the sermon
   • currently only used with more literary audiences or in settings where classic rhetoric is involved
     
5. Main points
   
   • like the proposition: brief complete imperative sentences
   • 2-5 main points
   • each main point is a summary of each paragraph of the entire chapter
   • serves to clarify, amplify, or in some way explain the proposition
     
6. Sub points
   
   • 2-5 sub points
   • serves to clarify, amplify, or in some way explain the main points
   • may only be on your paper to help the communicator, may not be necessary to give them specifically in the sermon
     
7. Illustrations
   
   • meant to be windows on the Word
   • somewhere between 2-4 per sermon, depending on sermon length and need
   • can have varied forms; from human interest stories to word pictures to analogies
     
8. Applications
   
   • making the truth relevant
   • minor applications for each main point
   • application section near the end of your message
     
9. Conclusion
   
   • often the weakest part of most sermons
   • purpose is to bring the sermon to a final conclusion, like landing an airplane
   • summarize your proposition and main points
   • save your best illustration to the end, finish the illustration with a punch-line and say nothing else, simply end
     
10. Introduction
    
    • designed to be approx 15% of your overall sermon time (should be at least 10% but never more than 20%)
    • serves to introduce the subject, theme or concept of the passage
    • serves as a hook (attention getter) and should introduce the emotional tone of the passage
      
11. Title
    
    • often proposed early and adjusted at the end to make sure that it matches
    • useful for advertising and marketing purposes
      
12. Polish
    
    • your sermon is not finished when you write your final word on the page, it is after you have gove over it 2-5 times that you will discover that you need to adjust or readjust or edit particular content
    • it is often useful to preach it several times out loud before you actually present it
    • you may also want to have other people listen to your sermon and give you pointers
      

Requests and Updates for 12/02

Requests
==
+ Focus on the path God has for me, not the path I have for me
+ Diligence in finishing the semester strong
+ Hunger and thirst for prayer and His word


Updates
==
It's been a rough few weeks. I've been in kind of a rut where I don't feel like I want to do anything. And if you look closely, it may look a bit like depression. But it's all part of the natural ebb and flow of life.

I realized that I need to be creative in order to be really energized. After I finished Jeff & Nancy's music video, I was on such an emotional high that there was no where else to go. And without a creative outlet, the rest of my emotions just kind of petered out.

The phone interview with Glenn went well. And it seems like a place that I would like to intern at. The problem is raising funds. It would cost about 1500 /month just to be a part of InterVarsity. So, we're looking at about 6000 after all's been tallied up.

As I contemplated about my future in bed, something clicked. I don't want to be a big hot shot director. My heart is in ministry, specifically, the creative arts. I've been wrestling with how to produce documentaries on topics of social justice and still make a living. I have to say, I've been kind of distracted by Hollywood. This is not to say that it's not a path, and if the opportunity arises, I'll definitely take it. But God brought my attention back into focus. It's about His people and reintroducing the wonder and joy of the arts to the Church.

If that's the direction I want to go, then maybe an internship at 2100 may not be the best thing for me. I might be better off looking to intern at a church that is at the cutting edge of the arts. I don't know how easy this would be to get, but all's possible with God, right? ;)

This doesn't really set me on a different direction. It's more like filling in the gaps. Now, it's just a matter of letting God open the doors to take me where He wants me to be.

More immediately, I want to try and meet with Susan, the Creative Arts director at Metro. I have a vision for it and would love to see the arts thrive at Metro.

I've also been struggling with my place at Metro. As much as I love it as a church, I feel like I haven't brought much value yet. This might be my eager eyed millenialness, one of my own personal demons, or a carry over from when I was in the world of corporate. But I feel like I need to perform. Then again, it may just be new job jitters. Or it may just be the school mentality of being graded.

School is going to wrap in about 2 weeks. That means final exams, papers, and presentations. Because of the rut, I didn't get any real work done over Thanksgiving. That just means I have to work harder and spend my time more wisely. Staying up 'til 4:30 AM would not fit the bill.

In that schedule, I need to fit God. I need to be a lot more deliberate and disciplined about spending time with Jesus. I'm thankful that He manages to find me every Tuesday morning, even if it does wreak havoc on my sleep schedule.

7 Verses on Homosexuality

**Note: The following verses are taken out of context. They are meant for reference only.

Leviticus 18:22
You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.

Leviticus 20:13
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.

Genesis 19
Story of sodom & gomorrah

Deuteronomy 23:17
"None of the daughters of Israel shall be a cult prostitute, and none of the sons of Israel shall be a cult prostitute.


Romans 1:26-27
For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

1 Timothy 1:9-10
understanding this, that the law is not laid down for the just but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who strike their fathers and mothers, for murderers, the sexually immoral, men who practice homosexuality, enslavers, liars, perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine,

Requests and Updates for 11/19/08

Requests
==
+ Reconciliation with ex
+ Internship at 2100 Productions
+ Spend a semester at a film school

Updates
==
On Monday, I got a Facebook message from my ex. We had dated for 6 months back in high school. Like most relationships, it started out well, but it wasn't too long that things got terrible. But as miserable a time that was, it was an integral part of the development of who I am emotionally, spiritually, and personally.

Since then, I've moved on and had forgiven J for the things she said and did. As we got to talking, my heart broke all over again for her. This time out of love. She's suffered through so much.

In the end, it was nice reconnecting. Will it develop into a friendship? I hope so. Jesus doesn't just call us to forgive, but he calls us to reconcile. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we need to be friends.

Speaking of ex-girlfriends, I went to CCCNJ this past Sunday for my friend's baptism. Every time I go back, there's a little bittersweetness. There's the longing for the people there and the dreams I had for ministry. But there's also the hurt from the leadership. The main thing is it no longer feels like home. Even though I've only been to Metro for about 3 months now, it's starting to feel like home.

The future has opened up as a result of going to Metro. Before, I always had to take into consideration drama before making decisions. As long as drama was around, I would be around. This meant I wouldn't plan any long term engagements. But now, I can consider doing things like going to Wisconsin for a 3-7 month internship. I can move out to LA. Or go and do anything.

I'm hoping to have a phone interview with Glenn soon to talk about the internship at 2100 Productions. I'm really excited to be a part of Intervarsity. All the people I've interacted with have been so generous because they're genuinely nice and helpful. Beyond the technical, I want to grow personally too.

If things work out, I may go out to LA sooner, rather than later. Last week, I talked to the registrar about the possibility of taking my electives at another school. I would try and take some film classes at either NYU, USC, or UCLA. The registrar said they wouldn't have a problem with it, but they had to run it by NY accreditation.

Since the seminary doesn't offer film classes, it wouldn't be a easy to find equivalents for the classes I'd be taking. I don't even know if the schools would let me take a semester there without actually enrolling.

If the vision that God's given me is true, then He'll make it happen.

There's a lot of hope in this uncertainty.

Requests and Updates for 11/4/08

Requests
==
+ To pursue God, not career
+ Discernment in deciding what to do in these next two years with classes, work, and internship
+ Discipline to get all my work done.


Updates
==
I met with my adviser today to talk about what classes to take next semester. For the most part, he recommended everything that I was planning to take anyway. But as I looked over the requirements sheet, it dawned on me. I might not graduate on time.

The first two semesters, I took 13.5 credits each. This semester, I took 12 credits. In order to graduate, I need 93 credits over 6 semesters or about 15.5 credits a semester. If I continue at the current rate of 12 credits, then I'll have 1 semester worth of classes left over. If I pile it on, I'll only be behind by 1 class.

This semester has been particularly hard because in addition to class and homework, I'm also working at Metro. It's definitely been a strain adjusting, but I really enjoy it. It would be a shame if I stopped.

So, I have a few options.

1) Take the extra semester and graduate late
2) Try to load up classes this summer.
3) Load up next 3 semesters and stop working at Metro.

Another wrinkle in this puzzle is my plan for next summer. I had discovered 2100 Productions, a Christian production company run by InterVarsity. They have a summer internship program that I was thinking about applying for. Obviously, if I do option 2 above, it'll put a nix on those plans.

While I was sitting in class today, I decided that I was going to take the risk and apply for the internship. It would be a great place to learn from other people and get a feel for real world work. The whole point of internships. As much as I would like to stay at Metro and do video and all that stuff, I would be leading that innitiative. Which means the only learning I would get would be from my mistakes.

The problem with the 2100 Productions internship is that it's in Wisconsin. It's unpaid. And I would have to find my own room & board. Talk about needing faith. Even if I wanted to live out of my car, I would still need a place to shower. I've tried taking "showers" in sinks and it is quite the ordeal.

All this leads to the question, what do I plan to do when I graduate?

Although I feel like I'm a pretty good public speaker, I don't feel led in that direction. If anything, I feel like God's leading me to be a Creative Arts Pastor or something like that.

But my main goal is to do social justice documentaries for missions. The problem is making that sustainable. As I try to get my film career off the ground, which probably means a few more classes, I need to making money to pay back loans and help support M as she goes to school. And I'm still not quite sure what that will look like.

The one thing I do know, is that I need to trust God. That He will bring me to where He wants me to be.

How to Love God

The greatest commandment is to love God and love others. But how do you do that? It's relativly easy to love others, I mean, they're right there. But how do you love God when He's intangible and far away?

Let's start by looking at how you love the people around you. This may be your spouse, your significant other, a really close family member, or that friend who's always been there for you.

These last few weeks, I've realized that I'm actually loving my girlfriend of 10 years more. Out of that love, I've started to be more affectionate towards her. There are moments where I just want to hug her and hold her close. Or times where I just want to kiss her. And times when I think about her and smile. All these actions and reactions come from the feeling deep down in my heart that screams, "I love you!"

Beyond affection, there's the things that you do for the people you love. You sit and listen to them when they've had a hard day. You have meals together and engage each other. You do stuff for them when it's inconvenient for you. You make sacrifices for them. All because you love them and you want what's best for them.

Sometimes you have to do things you don't like. Like confront them about a bad habit. Or not spoil your child because you want them to grow up valuing what they have.

So if that's how you love someone close to you, how do you love God? How about loving someone NOT close to you?

Jesus said, "'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'" (Matthew 25:40, ESV)

Jesus also said, "'For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'" (Matthew 25:35-36, ESV)

Now, wouldn't you do that for someone you loved? Feed them when they're hungry, give them water when they're thirsty, clothe them when they're cold or naked, visit them when their sick or in prison? Isn't that love too?

And since we can't do these things directly to God, because He's intangible, isn't it convenient that there are all these people in the world who can receive it in his stead? So, by loving others, we're loving God. Which makes sense, because that's part of the great commandment, to love God and love others. In other words, it's the same thing.

I know that I love God, but I don't love others nearly enough. I also know that I want to love God more, so I should love others more. And that love that we have for others isn't some obligation, but a reaction to that feeling that wells up inside of us. Since God's not tangible hear for us to direct those feelings towards, we direct it to the people around us. Specifically, the people who need it the most.

So, go out there and love God by loving the people around you. Especially the people that really need it.